there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
