the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
