i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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