I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
