If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
