Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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