can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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