he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
