So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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