Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
