she looked like the bat from fern gully.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
