You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
