Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
