plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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