i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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