Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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