You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
