thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
