Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
