Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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