I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
