i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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