Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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