i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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