I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
