I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
