She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
