We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
