I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
