We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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