The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
