Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i came on her dog
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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