i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
