just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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