i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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