Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
