So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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