I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
