I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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