Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
