I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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