I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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