So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
