good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
