There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
