I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
