Is it because I queefed?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
