My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
is it fun? or sober?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
