I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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