He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
